begged him to return them and thus free Pagli from her mental agony but the greedy Brahmana turned a deaf ear to her request.
I intended to return home on the day before the Sivaratri, as I wanted to attend Sri Ramakrishna's birthday celebration at Belur Math, which came off two days after the Sivaratri. I told the Mother about it. She asked me to go to Kamarpukur first. I had left home with a great yearning to see the Holy Mother alone, and in my eagerness I had forgotten to take my umbrella or an extra piece of cloth. At the request of the Mother, I agreed to visit the birthplace of the Master. She gave me a fresh piece of cloth to put on, and asked me to take it with me.
Mother: Have you any money with you? You will require carriage hire. Take the money from me.
Disciple: I have money with me. I have not to take it from you.
Mother: Write to me after you reach home. Ah, I could not feed my son properly. I could not prepare anything good for him. This was because this time there was great confusion in the family on account of Nalini and Pagli.
I prostrated myself before her and set out with tears in my eyes. The Holy Mother accompanied us for some distance and then watched us till we were out of sight. I could not refrain from weeping out of devotion for her, till I had reached Kamarpukur.
After my arrival at Kamarpukur, I was shown the room where the Holy Mother had lived. There I saw a picture of the Mother, which made me still more restless to see her again. Next day M. and Prabodh Babu went to Jayrambati via Kamarpukur, halting at the latter place for a few hours. In the evening, Lalit Babu, a disciple of the Mother, arrived there, dressed in turban, trousers and long toga. He was on his way to Jayrambati. As it would be difficult for me to go from Kamarpukur to Calcutta alone, some devotee suggested that I might revisit Jayrambati and go to Calcutta in the company of Lalit Babu. So I went with him to Jayrambati once again, and said to the Mother, "I am here again." The Mother, was greatly pleased and said, "That's very good. You can go to Calcutta with Lalit."
After the Sivaratri festival was over, the devotees sat down for their meal. They were served some Prasada on leaf-plates. J asked them what it was. They said that it was the Prasada of the Holy Mother. I also partook of it. Later on, I said to the Mother, "They all enjoyed your Prasada. But you never offered it to me."