18th December 1909
Mother was preparing betel-rolls in the verandah of her room. It was nearly 9 a.m. I was eating puffed rice. I said to her, "Mother please do not detain me this time for long."
Mother: If you don't want to stay, you can come with me. When the time comes (i.e. death), all have to go.
Disciple: Please remember your promise, Mother.
Mother: I have already said, I will come and carry you along with me.
Disciple: Please take me with you this time. Next time I will accompany the Master when he comes.
Mother laughed and said, "Well, I am not coming again!"
Disciple: Whether you decide to come or not, I will certainly come back to this world. I have a desire to come.
Mother: Most probably, you wouldn't want to return when the time comes. What is there in this world, my child? Tell me at least one thing that is worth-while! That is why Sri Ramakrishna was satisfied with the most ordinary dishes. Whenever I would offer him Sandesh (a kind of sweetmeat), he would say, "What is so special in it? It is just the same as a lump of clay."
Disciple: Why do you cite the example Sri Ramakrishna? He is beyond all comparison.
Mother: Exactly so. Will there ever be anyone really like him?
At this point, Uncle Varada came to read the letters to her. One of the letters was from my brother, requesting the Mother to persuade me to return home. Though short, the letter was written in a good style and contained beautiful sentiments. The Mother said, "Ah! what a nice letter!" Then she said, addressing me, "Why don't you return home? Live in the world, earn money and bring up a family." She was testing me. "But , Mother, " said I, "please do not say that."
Mother: So many people are leading worldly lives. If you do not feel inclined, you need not do it.
I began to weep. The Mother then said to me with great tenderness, "My child, please do not weep. You are a living God. Who is able to renounce all for His sake? Even the injunctions of Destiny are cancelled if one takes refuge in God. Destiny strikes off with her own hand what she has written about such a person. What does a man become by realizing God? Does he get two horns? No. What happens is, he develops discrimination between