about speaking the truth. I, for one, cannot bring myself to do that. An unpleasant truth should never be told.
On another occasion too Golap-Ma had told a very unpleasant truth to somebody. Mother had exclaimed, "What is this, Golap? How has your nature become like this?"
During the noon time a hot-headed man had come to the Holy Mother and created a row. Referring to this, she said, "The Master did not let anybody know of my existence. He protected me always with infinite care. Now the thing has gone to the other extreme; they are advertising me as if by a beat of drum in a market-place. M. is the root of it all. People are beside themselves after reading
kathatmrita (or the Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna). Girish Babu enforced his demands on the Master and abused him. Now people are doing the same thing with me.
"Why should they always bother me about initiation? They are my children (referring to the direct disciples of the Master) at the Belur Math. Have they no power? Everyone is being sent here! I went so far as to tell people that they would be incurring great sin if they give up their hereditary preceptor. But still they would not leave me alone."
Disciple: You initiate the devotees because you desire to do so.
Mother: No, I do so out of compassion. They won't leave me. They weep. I feel compassion for them. Out of kindness I give them initiation. Besides, what do I gain by it? When I initiate devotees, I have to accept their sins. Then I think, "Well, this body will die anyway; let them realize the truth."
UDBODHAN
24th April, 1912
It was 1:30 p.m. I went to the Mother's room after noon-meals to bring betel-rolls. Referring to somebody, the Mother recited a verse. I asked her what it meant.
Mother: It means that a man cannot change his nature. Sri Chaitanya Deva said, "I adore him who is able to give up his past habits and worship the Lord.
Disciple: Once you had said at Jayrambati, "It would be well if one were able to change one's nature." On another occasion you had said, "There are some whose very appearance evokes feelings of love; and some there are who evoke just the contrary feelings."