from a water-pot, she sprinkled it on my head and said, "I shall wait for you in the other room. Come there after taking the Prasada." Strangely enough, immediately after eating it I began to feel all right. Then I went to the room where the Mother was seated. To me it appeared as if she were the Universal Mother seated on an
asana like a queen. Golap-Ma, Gauri-Ma and Yogin. Ma were seated around her. Though I felt the Mother to be one of my very 'own', the presence of others sitting there made me somewhat hesitant. I became worried whether I would be able to tell the Mother my innermost thoughts. I said to her, "I could not see you during the last eight years in spite of my utmost efforts. Even after coming as far as Calcutta I could not see you; I had to go back." On hearing this, Gauri-Ma remarked, "Can anybody see the Mother before the time is ripe'?" I said, "I feel that the time has come now, Mother; now I have seen you. Kindly accept me. I have come here with the desire of receiving initiation from you. I have heard that one cannot have initiation before the time is ripe. Again, I hear that you send back some persons on the plea that they do not belong to this place. But if you refuse me, I shall not be able to live any longer."
Staring at me intently, the Mother said, "No, you will have initiation." Then she asked, "Daughter, what do you take on
ekadasi?" I replied, "Formerly I used to eat sago, but learning that it is adulterated with various other things, I don't take it now." As soon as she heard this, the Mother said, "No, no, I say you should take sago; it will keep your body cool." Then with deep sorrow in her voice the Mother said, "Child, you have been practising much austerity. I say, don't do it any further. Your body has almost turned into a piece of wood. How will you perform spiritual practices if your health is spoiled, my child?"
She asked whether I used oil. I said, "I haven't used it ever since I was widowed." On hearing this she said, "The use of oil keeps the head cool. Therefore use oil." I said, "As I have not used it for a long time, I have begun to hate to touch it. I shall not be able to use oil, Mother." Golap-Ma said, "Though she is a mere child, she has spoiled her health by fasting and practising other austerities." Gauri-Ma said, "Dear, why have you cut off your hair?" I said, "Widows in our part of the country do not grow their hair." She replied, "Without hair one's eyesight deteriorates. Since you have dedicated your body to Sri Krishna, how does your