until my fingers became red with slapping. He began to gasp for breath."
1 The talk turned to Yogen Maharaj (Swami Yogananda).
Mother: None loved me as did my Yogen. Should anyone give him some money, he would keep it aside, saying, "It will be useful for Mother when she goes on pilgrimage." He would be always near me. The other monks would sometimes tease him for staying in this household full of women. He would ask me to address him as Yoga. Before passing away, he said, "Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, and Sri Ramakrishna-they have all come, Mother, to take me."
About herself she said, "Balaram Babu used to refer to me as the 'great ascetic, the embodiment of forbearance.' Can you call him a man, who is devoid of compassion? He is a veritable beast. Sometimes I forget myself in compassion. Then I do not remember who I am."
Finally the Holy Mother said to me, " I feel very free with you. See me in Calcutta and stay with me."
At that time I lived with my people, though I had been cherishing an intense desire to embrace the monastic life. I said to
—————
1 Harish was a devotee of Sri Ramakrishna who used to frequently visit the Baranagore monastery of the Ramakrishna Brotherhood at its early inception. It is said that his wife, afraid of his tendency towards a life of renunciation, sought to deter him from it with drugs and charms, which eventually made his mind deranged. In this deranged condition he once visited Kamarpukur, and the Mother, coming to know his condition, wrote to the Math, asking that some one should come and take him away. Accordingly Swamis Saradananda and Niranjanananda started for this purpose. It was just before their arrival that the above mentioned incident took place. The Mother's words, "Then my true nature came out," is given a mystical meaning by many. They believe that the Mother, being a manifestation of the Divine Devi, could take any form she wanted. In this instance, the consciousness of Bagala, one of the Mahavidyas, must have been on her, as Bagala is said to have killed an Asura in the same manner as the Mother now punished Harish. This punishment had a salutary effect on Harish. He fled to Vrindavan, and gradually his mental equilibrium was restored. Apart from these mystical implications, this incident, together with that of the 'dacoit father', reveal certain most unsuspected features of the Mother's human character and personality also.